1
0
How to avoid transferring divorce aggression on kids
When it comes to being a lady whose supposed love life crashed and didn’t just crash, it crashed with evidence, bringing its special challenge.
Men are sometimes accused of having it easy because when a relationship ends, they are most likely to walk away and not look back, even when a child has gotten through that relationship. They ride on the societal norm, that a child/children will most likely be happier with the mother than the father.
so fathers leave speedily, trying to erase that part of their existence, going even as far as also trying to avoid their financial obligation to the child, this is why the court is one strong tool for women in the Western world.
have you ever imagined what it was like when women didn’t have the court to chase down these men and have them fulfil their financial obligations to the child?
A woman is left brokenhearted and responsible for everything that comes from a path that was meant for two people. If men didn’t have ulterior motives towards women and their children after a relationship or marriage ends, then courts would go extinct.
This upstanding, long-lasting, persisting behaviour from partners, has not only created the existence of divorce lawyers, but it holds a significant revenue advantage to the courts of the world.
Why Do Parents avoid their financial responsibilities to kids after divorce?
This is as real as it gets. There may not be the same reason for every parent when it comes to why they tried avoiding their financial responsibility towards their children, but we have summed up some common reasons.
1. Emotional distress and conflict: The end of a relationship can be emotionally challenging for all parties involved. while some mourn it peacefully, others may let it lead to conflict and a desire to disconnect from their financial responsibilities, which is mostly weaponised.
2. Financial stress and hardship: One or both parents might be experiencing financial difficulties, making it challenging to fulfil their financial obligations to their children. For instance, a woman who wasn’t working could have no money to pay the babysitter, so they can’t get a job, because they have to look after a kid who is not school age yet.
But it is rather unfair when women who get the kids, also take 100% financial responsibility, while the man claims to be financially incapacitated, despite not being with the kids. He is neither handicapped nor disabled, in this case.
3. Lack of communication and cooperation: Poor communication and cooperation between parents can lead to misunderstandings, which is just an extension of the failed relationship. Anger and meanness brew.
So one decides not to share financial responsibilities. When they can’t stand each other, especially when the whole divorce is fresh and hurting then both, ego and pride push stronger.
4. New relationships and priorities: One or both parents might have moved on to a new relationship, the ones who have little to no loyalty to anyone, the ones who consider relationships as transactional, the ones who have no time to mourn the love lost, despite the children it produced, the ones who devote more time replacing partners than with their means of livelihood.
This need to replace their empty bed leads to a shift in priorities and a decrease in commitment to their financial responsibilities to their children.
However, people who do this are the worst because they are quick to move on but not quick to step up their responsibility. They never consider themselves the problem; it is always the other partner who is selfish and wants them to show up for their children financially.
5. Sense of resentment or anger: If there is one common emotion when it comes to divorce, it is ‘anger’. Partners have some genuine reasons to be angry. Some for the deceit they faced with a supposed loved one, some feel that their time, money, and love have been wasted.
One or both parents will always feel resentment of some sort towards the other, leading to dodgy behaviour, especially when it involves finances, and most times, it is done as a way to retaliate or punish the other person. People even go as far as taking away privileges and gifts. Everything is made into a tool to frustrate the other person.
6. Lack of understanding of financial obligations: Some parents might not fully understand their financial obligations to their children or might believe that they are not responsible for supporting their children financially.
While this sounds more like an excuse than a reality, it is actually true that a clear demarcation isn’t in use here, to categorically state which parent handles what financial aspect for the child. This can very well be an excuse because it is obvious what a child demands from the parents.
7. Avoidance and denial: Some parents might avoid their financial responsibilities due to outright feelings of guilt, shame, or anxiety. They feel like the home breaking up, has led them to disappoint their children. They tend to live in denial, avoiding the people they are supposed to show up for.
These reasons can never justify avoiding financial responsibilities to children, because children rely on parents for financial support, and whether you are unhappy or not, the financial needs of the child/children exist happily. So when a partner strategically avoids taking charge of their responsibility, they are intentionally out to frustrate the other partner.
How To Avoid Transferring the Aggression On The Children
When a parent who has the children from their broken relationship, is trying to calm a storm all by themselves, because the other parent is manipulating the situation to their advantage, to avoid their responsibility, then it is easy to see them lash out at everything and everyone, including the children.
But when you do this, over time, the chidlren will consider the absent parent, the good cop. They won’t appreciate your effort for them, your sacrifice, and your fight for them.
To avoid seeing the partner that left, every time you look at your children, you have to consciously remind yourself that they are yours, and not just the other person’s. Practice not to associate their appearance with the absent parent, no matter how much they look like that partner.
See them as part of your, part of the beauty that is you. Don’t make things worse for yourself by lashing out at innocent children. You will create an enmity that you might spend your whole life trying to fix.
In Conclusion
After a divorce, what has happened, has happened, and it is not the fault of the children. Always remind yourself, that the children are your blessings and not your karma or curse. Don’t resent them or lose your cool, when they need love from your tired body and mind.
When you lose your cool, then find a way to fix it, do not let it reoccur, or exceed the love you give. They will tag you the problem that their father had to leave, they may blame you for the broken home, and assume that they have seen the reason their dada had to leave.
Find a hobby, a place where you can go release your built-up anger, so you can feel better while at home. They are your blessings and love from God, so appreciate them, rather than resent them, because they remind you of the partner who left. Please, go ahead and love those kids like no other parent exists.
