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5 Essential points for single parents before remarrying
Everyone who ends a relationship hopes to go into a better one. But how do you ensure that the next one is good enough for you to remain in, that mistakes are not repeated, and that you have changed some things about yourself, that were issues you? Have you fixed your mental state, have you let go of the resentment towards the previous partner, and the anger the relationship left in your heart? Are you ready to let someone into your life, without referencing what was done to you in the previous relationship, and comparing, or projecting bad behaviours? Are you more concerned with proofing to people that you can replace your partner in a minute, rather than genuinely fixing the home, and being present for the children, making your house a home, rather than putting sex at the top of your priority?
Here are five essential points to enable single parents to fix themselves and their situation before getting ready for a love affair. It is necessary to prioritise your well-being, as a single parent, as well as the well-being of your child/children, their happiness, and their health. This is because you can’t choose to go on a date night when you have a child who isn’t feeling fine. You can reschedule that date, and nurture your child. If you choose to go, the person whom you value more than your ill child will judge you for that decision. Fix your choices before you create space for a whole new human being to come into your life.
Here are five vital points to consider:
1. Establish a Stable Income
To be in control of your happiness and comfort, you need to have a stable income. Ensure you have a stable income to meet your children’s needs and maintain a comfortable lifestyle. Financial security reduces stress and the stress of being unsure where the next meal will come from. So you don’t see the new relationship as a source of income, which then makes you desperate, and you overlook red flags, all because you are only focused on the financial benefit of the relationship.
2. Prioritize Your Children’s Well-being
Make sure you and your children are emotionally prepared for you to invite someone new into your life. Consider their feelings, and ensure they’re comfortable with the idea of a new partner. Of course, they will questions to understand what is happening. So be sure about a person’s intention with you, before you let them meet your kids. You don’t want to introduce someone to them today, and the next month you are broken up. A new person comes and continues the circle. Not only will the children disregard and probably lose faith in your decision-making abilities, but they might also consider you the parent with the problem.
3. Reflect, Learn, and Grow
When a relationship ends, it is not so easy to find the individuals taking the blame for their actions and inactions, which might have resulted in the end. When you are not alone and without the pressure stay and fix the relationship, take time out to reflect on it, identify your part in the failed relationship, and things you would have handled better, and identify areas for personal growth.
Fix any attitude or behavioural faults that may have contributed to previous relationship issues. This self-awareness and improvement will help you build a stronger, healthier relationship in the future. Don’t do the same things over and over again in all your relationships, and expect a different result. While you can’t control people’s actions and inactions, you can control yours.
4. Leave Past Anger Behind
When something you thought was going to last for a lifetime ends, everyone involved holds anger and resentment inside of them. But one thing to never do as a single parent going into another relationship is to avoid transferring anger or resentment from previous relationships into your new one.
Treat each relationship as unique, and refrain from comparing individuals or openly complaining about the past and present partners doing something alike, which might cause you to predict the end. This fresh start will help you build a more positive and loving relationship on a clean slate. Learn the ways of the new partner, so when they do something wrong, then you address it, rather than protect your fear of them, and make it unbearable for them to be with you. You can reference the old relationship now and then during your conversations, but not in anger or in an attempt to spite the new relationship.
5. Cultivate Happiness
When your relationship ends, let yourself feel the pain, let yourself grieve, and let yourself hurt. Don’t hold in hurt and pain, because you are eager to prove that you can find another person in a minute. This will make you get into a relationship to spite the partner from the previous one. You will rush into it, and rush back out. Before you know it, you have casually been in and out of 3 relationships, just 3 months after the end of your previous marriage.
The benefit of letting yourself hurt is that it is natural, it stops you from bottling up pain and anger, which will come out of you when you least expect it in the future. So, focus on being happy! Happiness is attractive and creates a positive energy that draws people to you. Avoid wearing your past relationship issues like a badge; instead, choose to be a joyful, loving, hardworking, and focused single parent. This mindset will make you more appealing to potential partners and create a stronger foundation for a future relationship. Do not underestimate the power of Good vibes.
